~<33 bee[d]ee @ 11:47 PM | 0 Eaters

But you know what?
It's hard being selfless sometimes too.

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 11:38 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 3:35 AM | 0 Eaters

i wonder...if i'm the one who's not caring enough.

which category do i really fall in?

the ones who care back.

or the ones who don't.

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 10:33 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 10:21 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 7:30 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 4:01 AM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 3:47 AM | 0 Eaters

look before you leap bec...look before you leap.

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 3:01 AM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 1:49 AM | 0 Eaters

when jealousy turns on you and bites you back in your face.

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 1:47 AM | 0 Eaters

Btw Happy Birthday bro<3
You're 14, and hopefully getting more mature.
I really really really hope you reconcile with mum.
From the bottom of my heart.
I really do.

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 9:08 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 5:08 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 4:03 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 3:22 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 3:08 PM | 0 Eaters

~<33 bee[d]ee @ 11:05 PM | 0 Eaters

Your world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (I got my)

You're my One love
My one heart
My one life for sure
Let me tell you one time (girl I love, girl I love you)
I'm a tell you one time (girl I love, girl I love you)
And I'm a be your one guy
You'll be my #1 girl always makin time for you
I'm'a tell you one time (girl I love, girl I love you)
I'm'a tell you one time (girl I love, girl I love you)

bee[d]ee @ 9:18 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 9:55 PM | 0 Eaters

うれしくない

bee[d]ee @ 9:39 PM | 0 Eaters

How could you do this?
Did you ever have even a speck of consideration?
Just because everyone loves you doesn't mean you can get away with anything.
Maybe you're a lot more calculating than people suspect.
You make me sick.

bee[d]ee @ 9:21 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 9:10 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 9:56 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 10:50 PM | 0 Eaters

_________________________

When I get to know him
We'll find more things to say
One day I will reach him
There has to be a way

Everyone needs someone
He must need someone, too
When I get to know him better
Here's what I will do

I'll read him stories
From picture books all
Filled with wonder
Magic worlds where
The impossible
Becomes the everyday

We'll find a mountaintop
And some moonbeams
To sit under
I'll lead because I know the way

So much to discover
I do it all the time
I could live inside bright pages
Where the words all rhyme

We will slay the dragons
That still follow him around
And he'll smile, yes he'll smile
As his dreams leave the ground

Stories and stories
'Bout mermaids, kings
And sunken treasure
Magic worlds where the impossible
Becomes the everyday

I know a tiny place
Just a dot, too small to measure
I'll take him there
I know the way

Stories 'bout heroes
Who overcame their deepest sorrow
They'll put hope into his heart again
He'll cherish every day

He'll find a better world
And the strength to face tomorrow
I'm sure that when he knows the way
He'll want to stay ~
________________________________

bee[d]ee @ 8:34 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 12:41 AM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 11:02 PM | 0 Eaters

bee[d]ee @ 11:52 PM | 0 Eaters

No matter what, you can always manage to put a smile back on my face =)
Thank you so much<3 ioveyou~ =D
haaaato

Labels: emotions, friends

Labels: emotions

i'm surprisingly not tired despite just typing a 1500 word essay in 5 hrs LOL

anywayz
yes i just finished ext english.
since i'm not tired now...
i think i'm gna be dead shit 2moz xDDD

-fail-

yeah...it was supposed to be 1200 words...it turned out to be 1480 or something
help?
haha i'm not bothered to cut it down so bleurgh xP

today~ today...what happened today xD
oh
and yesterday
LOL
oh wait.
no
i blogged yesterday
LOL
-fail-
oh and i'm talking in terms of its still tuesday night rite now
despite it actually being 3:40am in the morning ><;;

anywayz this morning
surprisingly no morning fiasco =)
for once i got up in time for combined =)
had to run for the train when we got there but still =)

wondered if carumen-chan was there...but she wasn't. haha oh wells xD

*note to self: hurry up and fix folder TT

on the train i was trying to read Shrew cos i had only got through like 1/3 of it last night
but then this white chick and her guy friend were talking convo
like SO loud ><;;
cudnt fking concentrate at all so i gave up LOL

when we got to st leos bus got there so i took it to nsg
and walked down and despite that i still got there at 7:50am!!!
COMBINED AT 7:50am!!!!!!!!!!!
frekaing record LOL xDDD

and guess what

moulton wasn't there

-facefloor- i fail.

one day i'm early teacher's not there for me to redeem myself
-cries-

anwyyz carumen-chan came too~
and we confirmed with suvie about her and vin~!!!
yayyy<3<3<3 haha =)
yes was traumatized at first
but
now it think they cud be really cute :3
wish u guys all the best =)

haha i fail at 1,121 warmup
epic fail
and sorry to carumen-cha for making u epic fail too cos i failed xD

em came late
so we ended up sharing one sheet music between the 3 of us haha -squish-
tristan be a good teacher =)
oh yeah the lucy l came late too
and she ended up squatting nxt to me LOL

Let's begin again is nice<3
so catchy =)

haha me and em are plotting to steal the LION KING!
well...i am xD ><;;

we saw lenloe and elaine and the bottom of an nsb in a blazer
so we auto assumed it was howellll
so me and carumen-chan started howling
and then it turned out not to be howell LOL! -fail-
some blonde...random guy -awkward- xD

got back to school and saw cici gave her my skirt
LOL yes we part now despite all the memories i probs won't miss ur busted zipper xD
do cici good service (Y)

i'm weird...i'm internally talking to a skirt O_O
-fail-

went with carumen-chan
saw bellar and alison and
we then went to e-block where weelay was~!!
-me and carumen-chan stampede at her-
-weelay jumps into door and we shoot past-
-fail- =)
-sigh- it's nice to see everyone again

we talked about justin beiber LOL
'When i was thirteen, i had my first love~'
ew
no
xDDD

assembly - surprise anzac ceremony
the yr 9/10's all did the ceremony
weird.

Lest We Forget. R.I.P

assembly's national anthem was EPIC fail xD
me and jassy shiftily eying each other haha
failwhale~

stayed back after yayy~
did nothing
woops
forgot to hand in note again LOL
i paid at least =)

PD - Miss Polly dyed her hair brown~!!
and yesh we have her again!
like forever~~~!
=)
heart rate (Y)
I was playing with my new rilakkuma fold-y ruler xD
which clicks creepily when we open it haha xD

recess
me carumen-chan and lenloe sat on the outside
and we talked about types of guys
and
'jerks'
haha xD
lenloe had her discounted chicken salad =)

maths with rina~
actually did work today lol
ms lee's belly is getting hugely big =D
yayy~ babyyyyy =)
but then was awkward while i was doing work...
cos for some reason the thot of baby jsut made me think of how it was....'accidental'
and that lead to thinking about accidental...'what'
yerrr
awkward
xD
'pythagoraspythagoraspythagorasaccident...SHIT'
xD

anwyayz

i hate question 7b xP

acapella at lunch
we ditched new candy
cos it was so fail LOL
back to old~
i wanna sing 'one fine day!!'

modern
with elaine and bellar
haha i was sucking my starburst suck
wich was green
and very awkward

i kinda fell a bit asleep during the arab-israeli vid ><;;
i rly didnt mean to.
but 2 hrs of sleep last night aish ><;;

then last period ancient~!
another video LOL
but was about Ice maiden~!
interesting =)
of the pazylyk people from altai mountains! =)

present note: my head hurts ><><;;

walked to st leos halfway then caught bus
too tired

got there and just missed epping train
and saw
RICKEY!
=D
lol
wasnt sure if it was him
cos
i was scared it mite be vincent
so was scared to like sya hi.
then he smiled...awkwardly?
xD
so yeah
-phew-
so went up to him and talked
WAAAAAAW apparently he goes to gordon every tuesday!
and
lives in roseville! LOL

xD

claudz got sunburnt in the cheeks and looks like she's got lots of blush on lol

was gna ask mum to pick me up from pymble
cos i wanted to get home asap
but turned out she was still in eastwood
so instead asked her to get easyway for me =) -leech-

walked home and
house was empty
kev at band
made fried eggs cos was UBER hungry (acapella --> lunch at recess)
then made latte (AHHH! that's why i'm so awake LOL)

mum got back
and turned out she accidentally got passionfruit milk tea instead of relish tea LOLfail
she didnt know there was a difference xDDD
ah wells
was...an interesting taste? xD

we talked about mums LOL

and then
some random chick from the govt came
to do an assessment on our electric usage
and like give us choices
she wudnt go away haha
so we had to let her in
she was azn
and spoke in rly bad broken canto haha

she stayed for 2 hrs

><;; awkward

then dinner
FOUND OUT RICKEY AND VINCENT'S BRO IS MY BRO'S FRIEND!! LOL
he even came to our house
that day that joey came
LOL
yeah hamish (Y)

had a false alarm scare when roger said he was coming tomorrow
but turns out he made a mistake LOL
fking hell havnt done any of the hw yet ><;;

and yeah
that's all for tonight

i rly need to get to sleep now T_T

<3

p.s. WOW! O_O!!!! first day of school just went by LOL

p.s.s. desperately need to do tute hw 2moz!!!!

Labels: fail, life, school, stress

Labels: emotions

should've stayed on that train



-big breath-

i feel better.

well felt.

had musical today on school development day.

got rung up at 8am but fell back asleep for half an hr.
then finally got up at 9 exactly.
and spazdressed and brushed my teeth and etc.

dad was coincidentally up too.
so i asked him to drive me to station.
dad is a legend<3
you know why?
cos even tho we just missed the train when we got to pymble,
i asked him if it wud be ok to drive me to gordon.
cos i knew there were a few trains between the 20 and 36 that started further down the north shore line,
so i assumed it wud be gordon
but instead it ended up being chatswood and lindfield at 37
so instead i asked him if he could take e to lindfield
then
i changed my mind and asked if chats wud be ok since it was earlier.
and even thru all that selfish pleaing
he was still ok with it.

i love you dad.
no matter how much i don't show it.

what made me feel worse is that once we got to chats i just missed the train too ><;;
so he could've taken me to lindfield...-sigh-
i sent him a thank you txt.
porbably the first txt i've sent dad in a while...

i ended up getting to nsb just in time for 10 =)
so i wasn't late
for once
<33333 yayy
becoz for once the 144 bus came!!! ^w^~

anywayz

yes
got there
and saw cathcath<3
then lenloe<3
and we all huggu-ed
=)

we were clearing the stage.
which we did for a while.

LOL moving the amps via trolley.
there was a squeaky very annoyingly noisy trolley.
it reminded me of tinman =)
wich reminded me of aidan =)

anywayyz
yes
i think i'm half deaf from it xD

and then when we switched to the wooden smoother trolley.
the wheel came off LOL
jsut like all wheely things in nsb AT LEAST ONE WHEEL HAS TO COME OFF! fking hell xD
costume racks, bbq's...aish xD
oh
and another wheel came off while we wheeled it down.
so therefor there were onli 2 functional wheels left ont he wooden trolley gg xD

twas funny watching them move the choir stands after collapsing them.
stupid nsb hall shud clear away its exam tables and chairs xD

ahyes,
and lauren played the piano<3
lauren is so good at the piano<3
its music from the heart =)

and i managed to spout out a bit of teayang's wedding dress on the keys...somehow
i guess my memory is not completely fail xD

lenloe and me and carumen-chan went up on the mezanine to stalk ppl,
as well as cath and ness later =)
lenloe and lukey are good listeners<3
it doesn't matter if u have nothing constructive to say
its still...good to have someone to listen...and with experience<3
thankyou<3
i guess...its interesting to note who always notices.
since i'm not the type to make it known i guess...
as in
flaunt stoned/depression-ness
so when someone notices...it's just that little reassurance that ppl care =)

and yeah
poured my heart out.
both up on the mezanine, on the phone and outside looking at the nsb sign.
-sigh-
but yeah was very stoned for most of the day.

when the cast finally came
we finished up on the orchestra hole-y music stands with their lamps

kwan had very flat hair today.
and howell was wearing his vest again...which he always wears xD
and robine finally remembered his dance partner after much prompting ;P
ahhhhhhh
oh and
haha
when he came in and hugged her from behind.
SHIFTYYYYYYYYYY~!
yeah i notice the weirdest things. xD

waltzing was...interesting.
the teacher was very er...demanding.
'LOOK THEM IN THE EYE'
was hilarious when she used tristan and lia for an example ;P
and then lucy L pointed out the obvious xD yes they are dating -facepalm-
me and jacob are like -looks in the eye...stsrts cracking up and lookks away-
-awkwarddddd-

me carumen-chan and sarah got kidnapped away from the dancing scene to have pizza for lunch
wait
i mean
-cough- what pizza?
so thirsty at lunch
and simon manning it xD
-eyecandy-
lol inorite lenloe? =)

haha checking each other's faces and teeth for incriminating evidence before we went back in xD
and then i found out me and jacob had been swicthed to the back for tristan and lia
which all ok
until margery and her partner got put at the front and centre even tho they were late ><;;

ah wells
cant be bitter

=)

afterwards so awkward.
cast ended up being needed for onli 2 hrs (12 to 2)
so
pointless
xD

so we (crewable cast) went to help with the banner putting up
along with howell and paul as well

and then
and then
HAHAHAHAHAHA
suvie and vin came
with teh V shape formation between.
and
me and carumen-chan started screaming.
altho carumen-chan's was more like...excited.
while i was in...trauma?
xD
paul was getting his butt spiked ><
and then i went outside the school to tell them the banner's straighness =)
lenloe joined me shortly.
and again we talked<3

-sighhhhhh-

oh yeah
some guy in vans drove across while we were trying to hang it up
and started singing i dreamed a dream
and asked when the auds where
and
lenloe called faggots xD

SIMON SAYS~! xD

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
yeahhhhhh

stuff
we pow wowed in the middle of b quad while we waited for carumen-chan simon and ness to come back
me and lenloe and cath sat in the middle
and me and lenloe raved
lying down.
LOL
xDDD
and scared teachers walking by.

oh and kwan came back to wait for carumen-chan LOL

anywayz

yeah
we finally got out

and we were at the bus stop across the road.
but the migrated
and
yeahhhhhh

i was stressing abotu ext english.
oh and the bus was full of annoying marist-ers
xD
very annoying
xD

and me and cath went down north shore way - said byebye~

and i fell asleep on teh train with my feet up.
-sigh-

got home
was uber tired
thot food might help
but
a yoghurt and iceblock later
still feeling stoned.
called joey on the couch
and talked
wonder if he's rly ok...

and then
mum came bakc
so i had to hang up

went to room and read shrew on the bed.
fell asleep.
so fking tired.
like
emotionally and physically exhausted.
-sigh-
woke up at 7 by parents for dinner.
felt a lot more awake and better.

then got bak here and read his blog.
tears again.
great
><

-sigh-

oh wells
WORKWORWORKWORKWORKWORKSSSSS~!

Labels: emotions, fail, life, stress

it's 4am.

i can't sleep.

i can't think.

i'm so tired.

my head's about to explode.

my mind's about to implode.
_______________________________________

Labels: emotions, love

Labels: emotions

woke up at 3 today.
tried very desperately to start on taming of a shrew
progress - re-reading: fail.

then decided to show kev princess and the frog.
on my laptop on the couch in the living room.
annoyingly ended up watching it with him again for the 5th time xD
and got 'almost there' stuck in my head again.
just after i got it out xD

mum and dad came back
had dinner and then we went city to go watch avatar in 3D at imax =)
took a lot of inner-persuasion but i finally decided to go with them
boycotting my ext english essay due on tuesday gg
-fked-

got there and we got family pass so i couldn't use
my voucher i got from paul's bday party.
dayum

went outside and got a family foto plus a few extra shots
of nighttime harbourside.
-sigh- gotta love that view<3
kev took a bit of persuasion but finally got him to take it with us.
some azn guy took it for us.
i remember mum and dad spoke mando to him
and asked if he was a tourist
and he sed he was a sydney-er lol gg.

then we all got gelato - mum and dad shared a cone.
kev: tiramisu
mum&dad: rum&raisin (recommended by moi :3) and hazelnut
me: chocolate truffle and passionfruit >w<

heehee i love my sweets :3

then we finally went in
and
the movie was fking awesome~!
orgasmic~!
eye candy~! >w<
i started crying when the animals joined in the war.
was very emotional =)
and it had its comedic moments too.
all in all, was just great
and i didnt regret going (shuddup joey xP)
me and kevin polished off our doritos as well xD

afterwards me and mum legged it to the maccers toilets cos the imax ones were queued badly.
and kev in the meantime bought himself and might angus and a filet-o-fish for me :3
midnight snacking ftw xD

we then had a very entertaining family walk through darling harbour where we took the rong walkway to the bridge
lead by me admittedly
xD
and yeah
was nice
being able to talk to kev cheerfully with my arm slumped across his shoulder xD
like a typical older sister ;P

and yeah we finally got bak to the car.
and drove home =)

musical 2moz
for WEDDING SCENE~
waltzing LOL yay =)

can't wait ^^

will probs be up late tonight/this morning to do shrew
night babes<3

Labels: emotions

Labels: emotions

Labels: Music of the heart

originally this post was going to be:
_____________________________

-blogspam-

i want a poporo burger =(
_____________________________

but then i realised it was my 200th post.

sooo...

haha i guess i should talk more.

but

that's just it

what do i talk about.

where do i begin?





hmm...






at this point in my life...
everything's very hazy.
I do things for the stupidest reasons.
my schoolwork is falling further and further behind.
and
i dont even know what's going on anymore...there.
my whole life just seems like confusion.

and yet.

there are times when it all becomes clear.
when i'm happy.
with people i love.
i just want to live life to the fullest.
and i couldn't care less about all my troubles.
in those few precious moments.

That's just it.
someone said to me,
"no-one is ever completely happy"
then...is what i've been experiencing not really happiness?
have i been mistaking it?
are they all just cheap thrills which pass on as quickly as they came?

So tell me...which viewpoint do i take?
Sitting back and seeing everything for what it all supposedly is; a big fat fuck-up?
or
enjoying life to the fullest. Irresponsibly. Carelessly.

i've never been wise.
i've never been a good judge.
i've never been able to make decisions for myself, as most of you would know all too well.

please.
help me.

__________________________________

i wish so much i could have said at that moment;
"I would. I would know if something was wrong."
but
the sad and in-my-face truth is...
I probably wouldn't.
it's been 8 months.
and i still can't figure you out.
nor myself.

i guess you'd argue that's good.
that's the way things should be.

but ask yourself this.
can a relationship really work
if it's all about one person.
if one person always enjoys the limelight
and
the other person is left in the dark.
how can it work
if
there's no honesty.
how can i be happy with you
when i don't even know what you're thinking.
___________________________________

i feel like i'm losing people slowly.

My grasp on their fingertips.
And slowly...ever so painfully...
we part.
i watch their backs retreat slowly into the white haze.
and before i know it,
i look up.
and they're gone.
there are no hills or sunsets
where i can see their silhouettes retreating into the distance.
no distance i can run to catch up with them.
they're gone.

i want to treasure every moment I have with each and every one of you.
because who knows maybe one day,
i'll call out your names...
and you won't come running anymore.

Labels: emotions, friends, life

you know that feeling...
when you're feeling super overwhelmed.

and you just don't know what to do anymore.

lost.

that's the word.
i feel so lost.

i'm not trying hard enough.
and maybe this is a selfish thing to say but...what you're asking of me i don't know how to change.

what do i do.

someone tell me.

please.

i should work. yes.
bed should work.

Labels: emotions

okzyeah...

not much going on on this page...

altho theres heaps i shud talk about HAHA

ok

all i wanna mention atm is

AWESOME MOMENT OF THE DAY GOES TO.................

1) Joey: "well then who DOES have a date rapist face?"
-3 second pause-
-both of us in sync- "Jacky."

2) Webcamming with Carumen-chan and her dad walks in...without pants on.
-shift-
xDDDDD

Labels: friends